Love’s True Colors

Does he love me?

As an intuitive and psychic this is a question I hear often. It’s an important question. Without love there is little to nurture the growth and learning that happens inside a relationship, love is the fuel for the journey to widen our heart. Yet it’s a misleading question, not because the question misleads, rather because what brings us to it is often mislead.


We are used to to think of love as something that grows out of our hearts, something new that has been brought into existence. Out of my years as an intuitive and energy healer I’ve come to understand love as something that exists outside of us. Love is intelligent. Love has a will. Love seeks new places to manifest. A slight, yet significant difference, love is not born but manifested. Love does not die, we disconnect from it. This understanding allows us to reach out to love, confidently, as many times as it takes. We know that love has never hurt us anything that hurt us was unloving, was perpetuated outside the nature of love.

To use an example, this would be like watercolor paint and the water that mixes with it. Though watercolor tubes have vibrant colours, were they to be applied directly to paper the result would be terrible, but when touched by a drop of water? Ah! They come to live, they flow and mix in ways that hypnotize. So do we. Each of us is like a tube of painting, full of potential, of lovely qualities, yet wholly inadequate outside of love. It’s through love, and only through it, that we discover what we are capable of: how much we can love, how much healing we can bring, how much joy we can share. Yet it’s a conscious act from the painter to continuously touch the brush to water and pigment before returning to paint. It is a conscious act from each lover to reconnect to love, then to ourselves, then to the relationship.

This journey is vital. In our example, neither water by itself nor the paints create a painting. We need the beautiful clear water infused with the properties of the pigment for such magic. Yet some pigments refuse to mix. They stay dry, they come out in clumps. The formulation was unbalanced and what should be natural becomes difficult. So it is, sometimes, with ourselves or our partners.

An ideal partner has a well-nurtured inner-self and will accept the flow of love. Not just romantic love, all love. This implies an ease at giving and receiving acts of love: helping, keeping your word, accepting intimacy, laughing, enjoying a clear sky, sharing about your bad day, acknowledging mistakes, apologizing, being creative. They are all instances of being loving to yourself or doing something hard that will be loving for those around you. These acts often happen quickly and frequently, allowing an observer to gauge how wide is someone’s connection to love.

I’m not suggesting you find someone with an impeccable relationship to love – I’ve yet to meet such a person. Life changes us and perfect is boring anyway,  a quirky pigment can be fun to work with, it can force you to take risks. So don’t look for perfect. Your best partner is someone who relates to love like you do, or in a way that enhances your own.

To find out which way of loving enhances your own relationship to love and, hence, makes the love between you richer, we need to establish that someone who resists relating to love is not someone incapable of feeling love. It’s someone for whom love is not an isolated element. Their memories of love are overlapped: a possessive love, an wishy-washy love, jealous love, cold love, narcissistic love… make no mistake all of those lovers can, and often do, have a relationship to love, but it’s not just love. Going back to our art analogy, their shade of love is not a pure pigment, it’s a shade with an undertone of a different pigment, say a bluish-green, or an yellowish-red. They connect to love yes, but through like muscle memory every time they connect to love they also connect to rage, fear, loneliness, etc. giving you a consistent cocktail of colors. This is why you find yourself asking: “Do they love me? Then how can they act this way?”

The risk is that you might learn from them, that your own shade of color will change. That after months, or years, together, the next time you reach out for love, some angers leaks in as well.

If you can, choose a partner that has a first-name basis connection with love. If you are already in a relationship, remember that their way of loving is not love, it’s just their way of loving. As long as you can distinguish that someone’s feelings (or expression) towards you is not love, but a mix of their memories with the flow of love. Then you are free to develop your own connection, to learn to open up to love, and as you change the water that touches you changes. This change might ripple into your partner, or might open new doors in your life. It’s not always easy, it’s necessary: before all else, connect to love. After all is done, connect to love.

What has been a moment that you felt connected to love? That you felt the presence of love? Write your comments down below.